Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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