I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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