Who did Billy Mays play for?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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