You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
3pm strippers are depressing
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
