Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
