Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
