I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
