dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
