My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
