so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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