It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
