I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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