yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
