I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
