I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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