I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
