my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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