when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
