I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
