I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
