you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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