Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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