I don't usually arrange sex via text message
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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