Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
