i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
