Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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