He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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