someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
