we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
