You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
