I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
