Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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