i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The uberlube is also flammable
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
