i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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