The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
