Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
