I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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