I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
