If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
