3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
