I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I want to fling myself into the sun
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
