his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
