i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
