I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
