the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
