I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
