I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I know her cup size but not her name....
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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