you turned your livingroom into a bong?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
