dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
