True but thats because hes a fetus.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
